God bless every one of you who have tested out of college algebra. For all of us who scored less than a 25 on the math portion of the ACT, taking the class is a major hurdle. I have put off the dreaded college algebra for four years. In four years, you can become a doctor, a gunsmith, the ambassador to Luxembourg or the inventor of a longer, stronger paper towel. Did I do any of these? Not quite. Instead, I put off college algebra like I put off washing meat-crusted frying pans. Result: I had to take night school to make up for all my dirty dishes.
Night school. I am sure no one has met the spectrum of, and I use this term loosely here, “students” as I have met in night school. I have met, listened and tried to study with all kinds of people: men with names that can only be pronounced with contorted mouths full of chewing tobacco, vagrants, convicts and cast outs. I have even met a woman who exudes smoke while thinking due to years of smoking Virginia Slims. I had a teacher who can only be the inspiration behind classic Saturday Night Live sketch characters. Yes, these are all real people, and this is my real story.
College algebra is a near-universal graduation requirement. If you’re fortunate enough, you’ll have enough Advanced Placement credit or a high enough math ACT or SAT scores to fulfil the requirement without taking a class. Or, you can take a math assessment test once arriving at school, which is another chance to bypass the algebra speed bump. Still have to take the class? Then take note: Get college algebra done with as soon as possible.
I have heard horror stories about students writing 12-page math term papers. I’ve heard of other students having to get in front of the class to teach algebra lessons. Take this course as soon as you can in your college career. I highly recommend taking it as a four- to eight-week summer class. Get the pain over with by ripping the Band-Aid off fast; don't pull it off hair by hair.
When you do take algebra, attend class like it’s going out of style. Short-session classes meet for longer times—two hours with a break, if the teacher has a heart. Missing one of these classes is like missing two normal-length classes. (And besides, who would want to miss watching a man with a belt buckle bigger than my face try to flirt with a grandma in a miniskirt?)
Night-school algebra is a real self-esteem builder, too. Hearing older students talk about their trouble turning on simple, non-graphing calculators (or, “a gizmo gadget from the city,” as I once heard a calculator called) can make you feel like an engineer for NASA. College algebra, when taken properly, is not really a course or even a graduation requirement. Rather, college algebra is an epic journey, an adventure that we can all share and reminisce about with a far-off look in our eyes some 30 minutes down the road and be able to say, “I once knew a guy with a gizmo gadget who couldn’t factor a polynomial to save his life.”
